As a serious blogger, I look for the stories that no one else is covering. Occasionally I get lucky. Today I am sitting down with Baby New Year 2009 for an exclusive interview.
Gark: Welcome Baby New Year! Thanks for making the time in your busy schedule.
BNY2009: Glad to be talking to the two or three people out in the Blogosphere who are likely to read this. By the way, technically, I'm "Baby New Year-Elect"--there's only one Baby New Year at a time.
Gark: Good point. Speaking of Baby New Year 2008, as the incoming New Year's baby, have you sought advice from him?
BNY2009: Actually "he" is a "she". I wish you bloggers would check your facts.
Gark: You're right. My mistake.
BNY2009: Anyway, I spoke to her--Priscilla is her name. You know you could have bowled me over when she told me we almost had a Vice-President from Alaska. It's amazing how far we have come.
Gark: Because there was almost a Vice-President who was a woman?
BNY2009: No, I meant an elected official from Alaska that wasn't under indictment.
Gark: Funny stuff. Speaking of how far we've come, are you concerned about the state of world that you are inheriting tonight?
BNY2009: Well, to be the New Year's baby, you have to be ready on day one. My transition team has been working hard with "08"--as I call Priscilla--to move into the executive crib. We are watching the situations in the Gaza, Somalia, Zimbabwe, Darfur, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, South Africa, Ghana, Cameroon, Peru, Georgia, Nepal, and New York.
Gark: I wasn't aware there was anything to worry about in New York.
BNY2009: Are you crazy? They will be going nuts at Times Square tonight when they drop the big lighted ball.
Gark: New Year's baby 2009, most of my readers are from Iowa. Do you have anything you want to tell them?
BNY2009: Iowa you say? I thought you were from Ohio or one of those other e-i-e-i-o states.
Gark: Now you're just being mean.
BNY2009: Well my diaper is full of--
Gark: This is a family blog.
BNY2009: Sorry, but my diaper is kind of smelling like a CAFO. Seriously, to the good people of Iowa I'd like to say Happy New Year and don't get too attached to your homes.
Gark: Why? Will there be flooding and tornadoes again in 2009?
BNY2009: No, I am talking about housing foreclosures.
Gark: Do you have anything encouraging to say?
BNY2009: Yes, with your former Governor Vilsack running the Agriculture department and your Senator Harkin heading the Senate agriculture committee, it should be a good year for your farmers--you do still have farmers don't you?
Gark: Of course we do.
BNY2009: I mean other than Archer Daniels Midland, Cargill, Monsanto, Pioneer, and so on.
Gark: You do have a point. I know you have things to do before you take the oath of New Year's baby; I mean besides changing your diaper. But before you go, can you give us an idea what your administration of the New Year will be like?
BNY2009: Well, as you know I am like to reach across the aisle and throw up my food at the babies on the other side.
Can I hit a baby thirty feet away with my mashed peas?-- Yes, I can.
Gark: That's just disgusting. I was hoping you could tell me what you plan to accomplish this next year.
BNY2009: I have a plan for world peace, a plan for cleaning up the environment, and a plan to end the economic mess that the world is in. There's only one problem.
Gark: What is it?
BNY2009: You people are going to have to go. I'm just kidding. I love people--for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No, seriously, I wish everyone out there a Happy New Year.
Gark: Thank you, New Year's Baby 2009.
And thank you readers of Popular Progressive.